


Change Is Existence

by Reyka_Sivao



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Bonding, F/F, I just really like Vulcans ok its a whole thing just humor me, Lesbian Character, Queer Themes, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trek Women, Vulcan Biology, Vulcan Culture, Vulcan Kisses, Vulcan Language, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27770731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyka_Sivao/pseuds/Reyka_Sivao
Summary: Based on a twitter prompt about two old friends: one’s a lesbian now and the other is a girl now.But with Vulcans.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	Change Is Existence

The bells rippled across her memory. 

T’Koveh closed her eyes for just a moment. 

She let herself remember the sting of sand blown by a sudden gust of wind, the stomach-clenching nerves, the sight of T’Svai also trying to look calm as the priestess approached to perform their bonding ceremony. 

She opened her eyes again and looked back at the screen. 

“T’Svai,” she had already written. 

“You may know that I am currently serving aboard the USS Alan Turing. We are currently en route to Starbase 23, where I believe you are still residing.”

T’Koveh stared at the screen again and tried to figure out what to say.

“There are certain things that must be discussed between us. If you will permit it, I wish to meet while we are in orbit.”

She looked at it some more. She needed to tell her. She had to. 

When they had been bonded as children, her name had been Tokov. When they had last seen each other, she had been the perfect model of a young Vulcan man on the way to a perfectly acceptable career. 

Her hand hovered over the input pad. 

…“You may find that I have changed beyond recognition. I hope to see you soon.”

She looked at what she’d written. 

She left off the signature and hit send. 

T’Koveh sat back and breathed. She did not want to have this conversation. It had been hard enough to tell her parents, not they had been pleased. But somehow, the thought of telling the woman she had been meant to share her mind and her life with was even worse. 

The console dinged. 

There was a response already, and she was NOT ready. 

Nevertheless, she settled her breath and opened the message. 

_ Thank you for reaching out. I would be amenable to meeting. There is a social establishment called The Thirsty Targ that I would recommend as a meeting space. I agree that we have much to discuss. I look forward to clearing the air between us.” _

T’Koveh frowned slightly. That was...an intriguing response.

“The Thirsty Targ is acceptable to me. Perhaps tomorrow at 20:00 hours?”

She really should let her know before they met. She also knew perfectly well that she would not. 

The console dinged again. 

_ I shall look for you. _

T’Koveh took a deep breath. There was no longer any excuse to put off this painful meeting.

—

The Thirsty Targ was noisier than she preferred generally, but at the same time, the background hum was somewhat steadying. She  _ had _ considered asking for a more private location, but somehow being half-lost in a crowd seemed preferable. 

She looked around. There were, unsurprisingly, rather few Vulcans in attendance. 

The sight of long black hair caught her attention and pulled her toward the high stools that lined the bar. 

It took another moment that she consciously realized that it was indeed T’Svai that she had seen. She stopped a few steps away, trying to pull herself together and remember what she’d planned to say. 

But before she could, T’Svai looked up, and then tuned and looked at her. 

They locked eyes, and T’Koveh felt her breath catch in her lungs. 

She remembered her chosen bondmate as having been pretty when they were children. But now? As adults?

She was  _ stunning.  _ Her hair flowed over her shoulders in tight ringlets as the light from the bar flowed through them like an aurora. Her eyes were the soft brown of a sehlat’s fur. Her warm skin glowed like dark amber. 

“...Tokov…?”

She took a deep breath. “I go by T’Koveh now.”

Their eyes stayed locked for another long moment, and then T’Svai gestured at the seat beside her. “It seems we have much to discuss.”

T’Koveh numbly moved to sit.

“You can infer my reason for asking to meet with you,” she said, turning to look at her. “I am no longer a suitable bondmate for you, and must offer you the opportunity to break off our match with no repercussions.”

T’Svai was silent for a much longer moment than T’Koveh was comfortable with, compounded by the fact that she was staring at her.

“I have a confession,” said T’Svai. “I too came here with the intent of severing our bonding.”

T’Koveh swallowed. “You had already guessed, then?”

T’Svai looked down. “No.”

“Then...why?” said T’Koveh. 

“I…had spent time discovering my own...inclinations.”

When T’Koveh tilted her head in question, she elaborated. “I had known for some time that I had...homosexual inclinations. It took more time to admit my exclusive interest in women.”

It took several seconds for T’Koveh to process that statement. 

“You….are a lesbian?”

“Indeed,” said T’Svai, glancing back at her. 

“I am a woman,” said T’Koveh, though she knew that the implication was already clear. 

“That is certainly a development that I had not anticipated,” said T’Svai. She was silent for a moment, and then added, “Would you perhaps allow me to procure you a drink?”

“I...would welcome it.”

T’Svai waved the bartender over. “May I request two Andorian Sunrises?”

The bartender, an ancient El-Aurian woman, looked at the two of them. “Of course,” she said, and pulled out two glasses and began with an orange-red liqueur. 

The finished drinks contained both the warm colors of a sunrise and the blueish tints associated with Andorians. The bartender set them down and gave them another look. “Enjoy.”

T’Koveh wrapped her hand around hers and took a long pull on it, willing it to lend her courage. 

“So,” she said. 

“So,” echoed T’Svai. “I believe I have made my own preferences clear. I must admit curiosity about yours.”

“I have...found that gender plays little role in my...affections.”

T’Svai took a long pull at her drink. “I see.”

T’Koveh stared into her own before taking a sip. 

The hum of the bar surrounded them, making the silence between them all the more sharp. 

T’Svai broke the silence. “It seems we both came here for the same purpose.”

“Indeed.”

“And yet…” she hesitated.

“And yet neither of our reasons seem much applicable anymore?” said T’Koveh. 

“Precisely.”

“My offer stands,” said T’Koveh. “If you do not wish to continue this bonding, for any reason, I am of course willing to ensure that it ends.”

T’Svai picked up her drink, swirled it a little, and set it down. “Ten minutes ago I would have taken you up on that without hesitation.”

T’Koveh’s heart skipped a beat.

“But now…” T’Svai looked up and studied her face with an intensity that made T’Koveh want to look at something, anything else. 

“But now I find myself hesitant.”

T’Koveh tried to swallow away the feeling in her throat. “Perhaps...perhaps...we should discuss thing at more length before coming to a decision.”

“I concur. Perhaps you will humor me by speaking of your assignment?”

—

It started there, but it did not end there. Despite T’Koveh’s intent to limit herself to her current life, she found herself talking about her life at the academy, her formal introduction to the concept of sexual and gender minorities, and her slow wading into the details of social and medical transition. 

T’Svai had nodded at many points, and added her own experience discovering that some women loved other women, and the much slower realization that her fascination came from being one of them. 

“Your parents will insist we break the bond,” said T’Koveh at one point.

“They will insist on many things. That does not obligate me to accommodate them.”

T’Koveh was silent for a moment as she considered that. 

“I suppose that is true. I too have ignored many insistent demands that I conform to expectations.”

T’Svai  _ looked _ at her with an expression she couldn’t quite place, but that was still somehow achingly familiar. 

“And that is where you wish to be?”

“Yes.” 

T’Koveh’s own certainty surprised her, and yet it was undeniably true. She  _ was  _ where she wished to be, no matter how many others tried to dissuade her. 

“I see.”

T’Svai was silent for a long moment. 

“Do you…..”

She could not quite finish. 

“Do I?”

“Do you... _ wish _ to break the bond? Or did you assume it was necessary?”

“I….”

It was T’Koveh’s turn to consider. 

“I certainly believed it was necessary. I never dreamed of a chance you could accept me.”

“Nor did I,” said T’Svai. “My intent was to free you to seek a woman more compatible with a man.”

“And when you found that might not be what I sought?”

T’Svai was silent again.

“Our original match seems...less illogical than it once did. Perhaps we should both take some time before making an irrevocable decision.”

“I concur,” said T’Koveh, with the slightest relief. “Perhaps you will consent to join me in my quarters?”

—

Her quarters on the ship were fairly spare, with only a few mementos from her previous life. 

T’Svai moved and stood in front of a large scroll on the wall. 

“Change is the essential process of all existence,” she read from the curling script. 

“Indeed,” said T’Koveh. 

“It is more true for us than for many,” said T’Svai. 

“Yes,” said T’Koveh, looking down. “Without change, I certainly would not exist.”

“Nor would I,” said T’Svai quietly. “And yet, here we are.”

“Here we are indeed,” echoed T’Koveh softly. 

“And yet, as a human colleague once said to me, ‘the more things change, the more they remain the same”.

“It is illogical, but often true.”

T’Koveh was silent for a moment. 

“What do you want?” she said abruptly. 

“In regards to what?”

“Anything. Everything.”

T’Svai was quiet for a moment, considering. 

“An interesting question. I suppose that I want….a wife.”

T’Koveh didn’t respond. 

“It is also true that I want you to have your own happiness,” she said. “That is why I came here tonight. I did not believe, this morning, that we would ever be a suitable match.”

“And now you believe differently?”

“I believe….it is a possibility now, yes.”

“You would consider accepting me as your wife?”

“You already are, are you not? It is more a matter of considering divorce.”

T’Koveh inhaled deeply. “For my part, I would prefer to remain as things are.”

“Will you permit me a personal query?”

“Anything.”

T’Svai turned and faced the wall hanging. “You say you have made many changes to your body. Will you still require the assistance of a bondmate?”

T’Koveh closed her eyes for a moment. 

It was a painful query, but a necessary one. 

“I will,” she said simply. 

T’Svai nodded without trying to meet her eyes. “Such a thing once seemed...distasteful. But now I find that it would not concern me. Not if it were you.”

“Are you certain of that?”

“Entirely.”

T’Koveh inhaled, feeling a weight she had managed to ignore lift off her chest. 

“I am more than amenable to maintaining our match,” she said. “Provided you are fully aware of the entirely too probable result of going against your family’s wishes.”

“I have long since resigned myself to being an outcast,” said T’Svai. “Your presence in my life will make no difference on that front.”

T’Koveh took an even deeper breath, and then said the words she had wanted to for the last hour. 

“Will you permit me to offer the  _ ozh-esta?” _

She did not even hold up her fingers in the traditional pose. It seemed far too forward. 

“Nothing would please me more.”

T’Svai held up two fingers, and T’Koveh had to stare at them a moment before she could truly internalize that they were being offered to  _ her _ .

She moved slowly, as though it were a dream, and carefully brushed T’Svai’s fingers with her own. 

Her entire being trembled and sang like the string of a harp. 

“ _ Ashau,” _ she whispered before she could stop herself. 

“ _ Ashau n’du isha.” _

_ I love…. _

_ I love you too.  _

“I look forward to the future,” said T’Koveh, and for the first time, she meant it. 


End file.
